Life is a game, you're probably just playing it wrong.

Hey there 👋

What do you think about when I say the word “game”?

If you’re like most people you probably think about finite games - games with winners, losers, and defined endpoints.

You might think about board games like Scrabble, Settlers of Catan, or Risk. Maybe, you think about childhood games like tag, hide and seek, or dodgeball. Or perhaps you think about sports like golf, football, or baseball.

These are the types of games we’ve all been taught, played, and conditioned to think about when we say the word “game”.

But there is another type of game we all play every single day: infinite games.

Infinite Games

Infinite games are completely different from finite games.

In finite games, there are strict rules with punishments or penalties for breaking them, deadlines or time limits, and winners and losers. In infinite games, there are no winners and losers, only players and non-players. There are no set rules, instead, you often get to create your own. And rather than playing to win, your sole purpose is to keep the game going.

These games take many forms, but because we are so accustomed to playing finite games we rarely see them as games.

Here are some examples of infinite games:

• Relationships: you only “lose” when you call it quits and stop playing together.

• Health: there is no “winning” you simply “play” forever.

• Business: you don’t “win”, your goal is to accumulate resources forever.

• Personal growth: you’ll never be perfect, you just keep working at it.

• Parenting: it never “ends”, your role just evolves as you help your kid grow

Benefits of Infinite Games

Infinite games are awesome.

They are low-stress.

Because there is no pressure to “win”, infinite games are inherently less stressful. Players can focus on learning, collaborating, and building rather than coming out on top.

They are collaborative

Since there are no winners or losers, only players, the games encourage cooperation rather than competition. In infinite games, players work together to keep the game going without hesitation from fear of helping the other person beat them in the process.

They can be rigged in your favor

In finite games there are set rules, and breaking them is seen as cheating. But in an infinite game, you can actively work to reshape the game in a way that aligns with your values, goals, and circumstances.

They can be really fun

There is nothing more freeing or fun than the only rule being to make the game last by making it more fun. The low stakes, encouraged creativity, lack of boundaries or rules, and the cooperative nature of infinite games allow players to explore and build without the fear of failure.

Infinite Games Mistakes

Because we don’t think about infinite games as games, we often engage with them in two incorrect ways:

1. We play them like finite games

Trying to play infinite games like finite games is a recipe for disaster.

The purpose of infinite games is to increase enjoyment, and collaboration, and extend the game. But we often approach these infinite games the same way we approach finite games.

Think about health. While longevity is gaining popularity as a health goal, the majority of goals surrounding health are still finite. People focus on getting something instead of keeping it.

People want to lose 10 pounds to look better in a swimsuit over the summer, but they aren’t focused on feeling and functioning their best for years to come.

We do the same thing in our relationships, or careers, and personal goals.

We try to win or achieve the next step rather than making the game more enjoyable to play.

2. We choose not to play

Conversely, many people see infinite games as “reality” rather than something to be played.

When you see infinite games this way, you miss out on the agency and freedom that come with infinite games. As a result, you end up feeling like life is being delt to you rather than as something you’re creating.

This can cause hopelessness and a surrendered approach to life, or worse, it can lead us to envy or reject people who are choosing to play the game.

Stop playing to win

Look, I’m not telling you to stop playing board games or to stop setting ambitious goals, but I am telling you to stop treating infinite games like finite games.

Set ambitious goals.

Dream big.

Design and build an amazing life.

But remember life is a game that is meant to be played and enjoyed.

Your life is full of infinite games: relationships, career and financial success, health, spiritual journey, and personal growth are all infinite games. These are lifelong adventures and games you should play for the joy of playing.

The takeaway action today:

Look at your life. Identify the infinite games you are playing and make a list of them. For me, it looks something like this:

1. Marriage

2. Athletics

3. Disciple of Jesus

4. Entrepreneur

5. Financial Steward

6. Professional

Once you have your list, identify one or two that don’t feel fun and ask yourself these questions:

1. Why am I not having fun?

2. Is it because I’m playing to win?

3. Is it because I’m not playing at all?

4. Who am I playing this game with?

5. How can I change the game to make it more enjoyable?

My encouragement to you is to action your answer to number five, take agency over your own life, and remove the rules you’ve allowed others to impose on you, your dreams, and what success looks like for you.